Reflections on my Friend Jim

Thoughts from Roxie Voran

It’s been a little more than two months since Jim Emmert’s passing and during that time I have continued to reflect on Jim and his life. As someone who knew Jim both before and after the shooting and the injuries that he suffered, I was able to observe the profound ways in which his life was changed. I’ve been thinking about all of that, along with the irony that he came to Houston having chosen alternative service rather than participating in the war effort, only to become a victim of violence. For years I’ve been saddened that so many others never had the opportunity to know Jim before so much of his free-spirited, fun-loving and carefree nature was taken from him. I was pleased with the sharing at the memorial service that brought back memories and helped everyone there to learn things about Jim they probably didn’t know.

It was mentioned several times that Jim never expressed any anger or resentment despite the life-changing limitations that were brought about by the shooting. Though he never verbalized it, Jim demonstrated through his life that he was wise enough to recognize how destructive it would have been for him to harbor those feelings. He knew he couldn’t be consumed by such feelings as he did his best to carry on with life.

What I’ve come to realize is that while Jim wasn’t angry, I still am. Along with his resilience, perseverance and indomitable spirit, over the years I also observed how difficult life was for him and how routine tasks became painfully challenging. It should never have been that way. It shouldn’t have been that way for Jim or for countless others who are affected by gun violence on a daily basis.

So yes, I’m angry about it. But just as it wasn’t healthy for Jim to harbor those feelings of anger, it wouldn’t be healthy for me to keep them pent up inside either. So what am I going to do about it? After some reflection, I’ve settled on several things.

The first is obvious to me and that is to double down on my commitment to never inflict violence on others. Having seen the pain it can cause, I know that I can’t do that to someone else. Knowing Jim led me to that place repeatedly and while he may be gone, my commitment has to remain. More than that, I need to strive to be more aware of injuries that I can cause with my words or other kinds of unintentional harm, recognizing that the impact I have on others matters so much more than my intentions.

Secondly, I’ve renewed my connection with a couple of organizations that work for some modest restrictions on firearms in our state and our nation. I’ve been writing letters and emails, and making phone calls to elected officials. It almost feels like an exercise in futility, like being the proverbial voice crying in the wilderness. However, John the Baptist served a purpose, misfit though he was, and I think I’ll continue to call for gun control, even though it seems no one is listening.

The other thing I’ve done is to start volunteering at the Gandhi museum in southwest Houston. This facility, established a couple of years ago by people of Indian descent living in the Houston area, is not a museum that displays physical items, but instead presents Gandhi’s ideas and practices of nonviolent action along with those of others who have been inspired by him. Folks who visit the museum, whether individuals, school groups or others, are introduced to a different way of solving problems and interacting with others compared to the violence that is so prevalent in our society. By joining in that effort, I hope to play a tiny part in helping people consider a better way – the way of peace.

This is my response, at least for now, and we’ll see where it leads.